APRIL SMASH!!!!
©2009 Paul Oostergo
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An article of note that has been doing the rounds on News Feeds across the land is this beauty:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html
The article deals with why modern life is making you miserable. It’s actually quite brillz!! One of my favorite points was that we are alot less adept at dealing with annoying people because we are able to tune out or at least try to tune out anything that pisses us off. The result of this being that we are losing our ability to tolerate. And frankly, life at times, can be very very very annoying. So when something or more often someone does something that bothers us, we end up overly aggravated and often over reacting. How this relates to our world of BurlyQ has to do with how we relate to each other and the future of our little nook in the world. The scene everywhere is seeing a continuous influx of new performers from a variety of backgrounds. Some of what makes Burlesque so beautiful (and I’m talking about the Variety!!), has the potential to lead us into some aggravating situations. More people, more variety, more chances for you to not get along with someone. I think its fair to say that not everyone will end up with Best Frenz Forever break in half heart shaped lockets. Chances are, conflict or reactive aggravation will probably rear up now and again. Now I also think, that in Vancouver at least, we for the most part are able to see past our differences and maintain a strong sense of community. However, I don’t think it ever hurts to revisit strategies that could help in terms of dealing with people better. Here are a few things I’ve found helpful when I start to feel the rage (APRIL SMASH!!):
1.) Stop Reacting or At Least Wait Until You’re Done Your Hissy-fit
I am sooooo guilty of this!!! I’m not sure if its my womanhood or what but I’ve been in a few scenarios that involved hostility or disagreement and my initial reaction usually involves wanting to cry or punch. Not so graceful. Tip #1: Cultivate a super strong sense of self. If you are putting other people’s opinion of you and your ideas above your own, you’re fucked. You are going to take every little bit of that something you didn’t like and turn it into a personal attack. If you are able to say to yourself… well consider the source or take on a different strokes for different folks type of attitude, you will be able to resolve the conflict WAY easier. Tip #2 If there is no way you can’t be offended or upset; give it a couple of days. Rant to a good friend. Swear you’ll hate them forever but don’t actually act or talk to them like you do. Not yet. Its that same old about writing a letter and not sending it. Give yourself time to calm the fuck down.
2.) Try to See Things from All Points of View
After you have talked your Bestie’s ear off- remember your Bestie, not every single person you both know- try and I mean really really try to see where they might have been coming from. Is there any possible way this situation could have been misconstrued? Can you take into account the life experiences they might have had that lead them to act in such a way? Is there any way you can see yourself in their situation and how maybe just maybe you would’ve reacted the same way? When you try looking into reasons beyond that they are just a **insert terrible adjective and noun here** its usually more of a they are really hurting, or emotionally disconnected or more often than not really really really and I mean really insecure. And usually the reasons for them being so annoying/mean/ridiculous have to do with things that happened to them WAY before you came along and honestly don’t have anything to do with you.
3.) Compliment Sandwich
Now this being said- you have a problem with someone? Deal with it. I’m serious!!! What good is being hurt and bitching about it? Is that helping you? Is that resolving the problem or turning you into a big messy bag of feelings!? You will feel better regardless that you tried, and that you did so properly!! Not by acting like a jerky jerk!! You honestly will win more flies with honey? A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down? Ok what I’m trying to say is that is in YOUR best interest to be nice when this confrontation goes down. Maybe reacting and yelling or being a total bitch feels awesome, but no one will respond to that positively. NO ONE. Not one person ever. How would you want to be treated? Yelling? Or having someone approach you like a grown up!! The best tool for criticism of any kind is the compliment sandwich. Its Easy!!! Start with a positive greeting!! Try to relate to how they are feeling- then slide in your issue- end with a compliment or an offer on how you think it could be resolved. Then be open to dialogue. Listen! Really listen. Apologize if necessary. Explain your feelings but be available to theirs as well and try to compromise. “I feel” statements are important because you are taking responsibility for your feelings AND the other person doesn’t feel attacked. It is really important if you want to resolve anything to not attack. YOU did this to me! YOU are this and this. No worky. “I FEEL like this when this happened” works alot better. Trust me!
4.) Think Big Picture
In 20 years from now!? Is this really going to matter!? Even right now.. what are the things that absolutely matter the most to you. Focus on what it is YOU are doing. Not what they are doing. I promise you that spending any energy on what they are doing to piss you off is simply a waste of your time. ANNNNNNNNnnnd its not making you happy. Think of the projects or goals of your own that you should/could be working on. Now focus on those instead of wasting energy on angry feelings that don’t benefit you.
5.) If you cant say anything nice…
Don’t say anything at all!!! If whoever it is, is actually the son/daughter of Satan, you don’t need to tell anyone. They will reveal their colors in due time. Just let it go. You can only control your behavior and that is a really great place in start in terms of making our community a better place. Do what you can to treat everyone you work with or encounter with love and respect. Its been working for us so far right!?
